This is a very short response to a challenge within the writers' group which required us to use some humour in a monthly challenge.
TEA BREAK
When I worked at the local FE College and had an office in the Library area, the process of making a cup of tea in the workplace became more pleasurable than actually drinking it. To make a drink I had to go to the store room where new books were kept whilst the procedure of cataloguing took its measured course.
One day I was intrigued by a book called ‘Inflagrante Collecto (caught in the act of collecting)’. I had to return at lunchtime to have a good browse. I liked the statement “humanity can be divided into two parts: those who collect, and the others”. I belong to the first group and therefore have some empathy with those who collect the irrelevant, worthless minutiae that this book illustrates. What was really fascinating was the realisation that absolutely nothing is off limits.
I’ve heard of people who collect shopping lists (found in supermarket trolleys) but hadn’t considered airline safety instructions as items for a collection. And do people who collect air sickness bags (for apparently there are such people) book flights because they don’t have a bag from Qatar Air for example? Do they go to swap meets? What do these people look like? How near to insanity are the folk who collect the tiny ‘Inspected by’ stickers that you find in clothing or cheap electrical goods (often made in China)?
What about Lost Pet poster collectors? I’m not making this stuff up! It’s true – they were revealed in the book! Surely these people need psychiatric help. I wonder about their modus operandi? Is there a code of conduct that says don’t remove the poster for your collection until it has served its purpose? How does the collector know when that is?
“Oh hello, I’m ringing to see if you ever found your missing cat”
“No, Skimbleshanks still hasn't returned....... Have you found him?”
“Er, no - but is it OK if I take down the poster to put in my collection?”
“SOD OFF you sick idiot”
On a rather more serious note, please be very wary of any Surrealists in your neighbourhood. Whilst waiting one morning for my Taylors of Harrogate Yorkshire Tea to brew, I picked up a publication called 'Surrealism' with an eye opening Andre Breton quote on the back cover. He must have been having a bad day when he came out with this shocker:
"the simplest surrealist act consists of going into the street with revolvers in your fist and shooting blindly into the crowd as much as possible. Anyone who has never felt the desire to do this clearly belongs in this crowd himself with his belly at bullet height."
I wonder if the police maintain a register of known Surrealists? These folk must be watched closely!
